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My Next Life
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By George Carlin
 
I want to live my next life backwards:

You start out dead and get that out of the way.

Then you wake up in a nursing home feeling better every day.

Then you get kicked out for being too healthy.

Enjoy your retirement and collect your pension.

Then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.

You work 40 years until you're too young to work.

You get ready for High School: drink alcohol, party, and you're generally
promiscuous.

Then you go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, and you have no
responsibilities.

Then you become a baby, and then ...

You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in Spa-like
conditions - central heating, room service on tap, and then...

You finish off as an orgasm.

I rest my case!

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