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A good deal... Becoming Illegal |
(Actual letter from an Iowa resident and sent to his senator)
Dear Senator ****,
As a native Iowan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service,
I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of
Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an
illegal alien and they referred me to you.
My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to
illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate
and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's provisions is
accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five
years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and
income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I
see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone else
figures it out.
Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes
every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes
in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be
illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and
my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.
Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency
room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums
for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a
year.
Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would
receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as
well as "in-state" tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United
States for my son.
Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of
renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance
premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have college age
children driving my car.
If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal
(retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be
most appreciative.
Thank you for your assistance.
Your Loyal Constituent,
Donald ****
Burlington, IA
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